What to Expect When Starting Couples Therapy

How couples therapy works and what to expect during the first sessions.

Oftentimes couples delay seeking professional therapeutic help for their relationship because of the uncertainty of what therapy may entail, or what kind of outcome it may lead to. With a Gottman trained couples therapist, the therapeutic pathway will follow a series of phases, designed to ensure the psychological and physical safety of the individual as well as the couple.

We begin with the assessment phase, followed by the therapeutic phase, maintenance phase and relapse prevention stages. The overall length of engagement in couples therapy really depends on the individual needs and capacity of the couple, however as a general rule it is wise to engage in therapy for at least six months, with the ultimate goal being that sessions become less frequent over time.

It's crucial as a therapist to get to know the couple both together, and also as individuals. That's why it is paramount that couples therapy commences with a short, yet intensive assessment phase before moving into deeper therapeutic work. Here's what to expect during this important initial phase of treatment when starting couples therapy for the first time.

The assessment phase typically consists of around four sessions, however prior to commencing these, you will be emailed some online questionnaires to complete individually. This helps your therapist to get to know you both, your history as a couple, as individuals and the challenges you are facing, before you even step into the room. The questionnaires will also give your therapist important information such as your strengths and weaknesses as a couple, which will later lay the foundation for your treatment plan.

Your first session will be held as a couple, and will usually be scheduled for around 90 minutes. During this session both parties will have equal opportunity to share the story of their relationship and the challenges being faced now. During this session you and your partner will do most of the talking as your therapist observes, listens and begins to formulate a plan to move forward.

This period will be a significant investment in your relationship, helping you move towards positive future outcomes as a couple.

The second and third sessions are individual appointments for around 60 minutes each. This is a time for you to meet one on one with your therapist without your partner present, to gain an understanding of your individual history (for example your childhood, past relationship patterns, current individual stressors). This allows your therapist to truly come to know both parties equally as individuals and as a unit.

Your fourth session is a feedback and treatment planning session, usually scheduled for around 60-90 minutes depending on the individual needs of the couple. This session is where your therapist will present a holistic view of the completed questionnaires, providing feedback on areas of strengths and areas for potential to grow and an individualised treatment plan for the couple moving forward.

Whilst often clients view this phase as intensive, ideally the assessment sessions should be completed within around seven days. So much can happen in a couple's world in between sessions, so it is important that the assessment phase (whilst perhaps seemingly lengthy in terms of therapeutic hours) is completed as soon as possible so we can move you into the therapeutic stage of treatment. This period will be a significant investment in your relationship, helping you move towards positive future outcomes as a couple.

Looking for couples therapy on the northern beaches or online? Book a free

15 minute phone call with me to see if working together could strengthen and repair your relationship.